Of here and now

celebrating with a river BBQ, Germany

some thoughts during my moving meditation:

the urges/desires/discomfort with things repeats itself endlessly in the background even if you manage to ignore it. It needs to be addressed or it will always reside in the unconscious.

Flow comes from the art of focusing your attention on the moment, being aware of every little detail, taking in the visual, physical, aroma, taste and sound of things.
When was the last time you were so involved in an activity that you lost all awareness of time and place? What did it feel like? Was there any emotions? What was the result? Was it something of beauty, crafted with the very essence of being connected to the task? Or was just clearness of thoughts of the future or the past? Where were you, who were you with, what did your surroundings look like? What were you wearing, what was the weather like, the sounds, the aroma, how did you look?

Knowing or being able to zoom in to appreciate the very experience of it -- something that in our youth comes automatically and I feel we become glazed over by all our plans and responsibilities and sometimes actually come back to and really enjoy again.

My thoughts are dominated by the future and the past, and fleetingly of the present, as it doesn't register much excitement. How do I change this? by taking little 3% steps towards what is termed as "a beautiful day" Today I realised that the onus is on me to put the effort in to the relationships I value back where I called home for the last 20 years, as I was the one whole left for the adventure for 2 years. It may mean letting go of some good ones, but when you come back or start afresh it is upto you to build the relationship if you are the stranger. It is with anywhere through you travels, and it is this sequential effort that will bring out the best in your nature and provide a remedy to the inherent complacency that we tend to get into when we are well off enough not to need anyone to our basic needs met and not needing to worry about ending up on the streets.

I guess I agree with the idea that we do become too independent, not needing to ask anyone to fulfill our most basic needs of food /shelter. So that leaves me to ponder my escape mechanisms of reading, movies and TV to live out certain experiences that I yearn for. Of having drama, conflict love, loss and joy saturating my attention, so as to fulfill my emotional fix.

It is like a drug and one that I hope to control as I realise that if I don't put in an effort in to create these experiences in real life, then all I have to look back on is an empty passive comfy life that draws meaning from the stories that others have wrote for me to show what it could be like.

To get to the reality of the thing that stops you, find the payoff you are getting from doing/not doing it. What is the fear and then you can get to the truth where you are left with a choice. Then choose, choose your dream, or choose your past.