Saturday, July 29, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
Something greater than eternity
These are my thoughts whilst travelling on the DB trains from Berlin..
When once there was a reality, a truth grows, a personal truth through change and experience, the desire to seek, to discover truth surpasses the superfluous of persuasion, of hidden agendas.
History that is to be experienced, felt, unstoppable, that we cannot grasp or understand but to know occurred, that causes us to reach out, to connect, that is more than merely part of our senses or emotions or rationale, something more than the descriptions we prescribe, where words only give a glimpse of its existence.
Only such a thing can remain so special, that there are no need for words, or reminders so that it bears itself deep within our existence.
"Seek and you shall find"
That you are here and I am here.
We are here.
A moment shared that transcends time, crosses the boundaries of language and does not require the drugs of emotion, something beautiful with its' mere realisation, without form, colour or perception, a moment shared that does not need comparison, a strangeness that is familiar, that walks a path unimpeded, a poetry of consciousness...
something greater than eternity...
Let me take away your shell, your clothes, your body, your hair, your lips, your face.
Let me have your thoughts, your eyes, your eyes, just for a time, a time that will make it timeless...
Captured by your eyes
my very first gasp of air
and my very last.
Why? what for you may wonder? only to admire our souls and let it strengthen us so that it fuels us along our paths.
An attempt to put into words the moment when the eyes connect and something transpires...
Monday, July 17, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Sunday, July 09, 2006
A love story
A Tibetian inspired art installation where you wishes get blown by the wind to all corners of the world
A good friend once asked me what I was looking for in this world and I couldn't say.
Now I know.
I am searching for what love means.
There was a time that as a child I did not recognise such a thing.
I thought love was like the sun, that I would be blinded by its intensity, that I could see it right before me, but when I went to lose myself to it, that it was too great of a thing for me to keep all to myself and that I could never receive it, even though I wanted it so badly.
Is love the touch of your mothers hand, trying to sooth your fevered body with cream after midnight has passed?
What would it be like if you receive love, but not recognise it, that your vision of it is too grandiose to be real?
Maybe it will slip away so easily in this lifetime, and you lived always dreaming of better things to come, yet miss it entirely and it is too late.
I have been loved, yet it was too faraway from what I defined it to be and so it could not break through the invisible barriers erected.
There is great suffering in wanting something that you don't think you have. You use your fertile mind and all your imagination to conjure up what it would be like. Living in this vision of perfection, you cannot tolerate the shortcomings of the world, and hope becomes such a fragile thing, like the delicate beauty of a butterflies wings.
Here is my thoughts on love so far...
Love is being able to care for what happens to those around you, to hope for their dreams more than the primal need of self satisfaction. For me it is such a hard task, a challenge that is constantly fought and lost. What hope do I have? I guess to be aware of it is a big step, and not be lost in the busyness of to do lists and demands of a 24 hour world. Spending some time apart from doing, enough to contemplate the thoughts behind my actions, and to maintain such a thing over time. I have made my definition too big, too great that I cannot express it to people.
It then gets lost into ether, only exists for the briefest of time in my mind, where is trapped, yearning to be free and not die, hoping to get out and come alive and be real, so than it could spread itself and touch other worlds.
I pray for the hopes and dreams of those around me, that in time these thoughts will change me to be less selfish, and it will make a small difference in their lives, so that they can be renewed and keep going.
I left Australia as it seemed to me that I was not challenged by the wind anymore, that to live in a life of comfort meant I wasn't alive anymore. That like the landscape, burnt and dry by the harsh Australian sun, we can find a thing of beauty in such harshness and ugliness in small glimpses.
To seek the unknown was what defined my restlessness. To grasp with difficulties, the pressure, so that I can come out and overcome my fears, or to even identify them.
From my childhood experience of being alive, was to be put the deep end of things, focusing on how to survive long enough so that I don't give in to my fears and doubts. However, over the passage of time, the fears and doubts have become more numerous, the anxieties materialising in the advent of desires, an ever growing ego, the thrust of time and bombardment of knowledge.
Leaving good friends behind, having to go into a room full of strangers and learning to catch up to their level and become integrated was my educational experience.
Living in this time, I still look at the past, see hints of some familiarity and am afraid of the pain that may come. That is the source of my sadness, that we go through life, encountering the best of people, the time being too short, wishing to prolong it as much as possible, but knowing that it will end too soon and that they will disappear from our lives. It is difficult for my to not try and relive the past joys, and hoping that I could relive them time and time again, but knowing it can never be the same.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Football fever
Go Deutschland!!
Yes it is 6 am in the morning, I wake up with the birds when I drink beer, or alcohol in general. Germany lost to Italy last night, that was a big shame, though Italy's goals were magic. There was quite a number of Italians living here in Schwaebisch Hall so was some serious tooting last night and celebrations. I rode my bike back to the apartment afterwards and fried some eggs with sardines and chinese cabbage. I guess that's part of the reason I'm up at 6 am.
We watched the game at a place that used to be used as a slaughter house, hence the name Schlathaus with a big ass projection and another 3x 1 meter LCDs screens. The place was choc full of people and atmosphere deviated from joy, tension, tears. Surprising how much drama football has on people. I tried to shed a tear but the last time I had tears was reading a really good novel, and this was not the right kind of sadness.
We watched the game at a place that used to be used as a slaughter house, hence the name Schlathaus with a big ass projection and another 3x 1 meter LCDs screens. The place was choc full of people and atmosphere deviated from joy, tension, tears. Surprising how much drama football has on people. I tried to shed a tear but the last time I had tears was reading a really good novel, and this was not the right kind of sadness.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Go Deutschland!!
Here I am using the fog horn in the valley so it could bounce everywhere around the city after Germany won.
We as you may have watched, Australia lost to Italy, which was a shame. They have played first class football, it was so exciting to watch. Now I am going for my adopted country for the last 6 months, Germany. They are truly football crazy here and it is contagious, car horns all night when Germany beat Argentina in a nail-biting penalty shoot out. That was also an awesome game to watch. Now tonight it's Brasil against France Woohoo... gotta do projects first though...
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